The Trainee Goblins of Greengate

Helo adoRing fAns thatts right itt is USS, the GObBlins of ClOVENSToNe, taking over thiss BOLG again to add a bitt of WITT and sophtiStikatoin stophistsicashun soffisti STUFF.  

Ther has been toO much talk about rubBish sofFtling DOCTER WHOO on heer recenTly and NOT ENUGH GObBLINS.

So three chairs cheEers foR MIss ElenOR Chetwynd-KnAgg at GreengaTe Junior scHkOOl in BarRow in CumbRia.  We is nott sure whAt a Junior Sckool is butt it looKs from the phfotos she has seNt as iff itt is a sort of JAOL or PRISSON where the sofFtlings keep their hatChlings locked up uNtil they iss old enugh to stopp bein so annoying. (Here at Clovenstone when hatchlings is annoying we just catapult them off the topp of the tower but thatt soLution does nott seem to hav ocCured to Miss ChetWynd-KnaGg perHaps shee is nott very bright. Or mayBe they does nott have any tall enugh towers in Barrow in Cumbria.)

Anyway, Miss Chetwynd-Knagg has deCided that the hAtchlings she is looKing after neEd proper ROLE MODDELS so she has frorced them to reed GOBbLINS, the well-known betstsellin brilliunt burk about  US. And she has made themm do stuFf called ‘WORK’ aboutt it.  

Heer is a bitt of their ‘WORK’ itt is a verry gOod likEness of King KnObBler cor istnt he handsOme? (The gloWy bitts are cos of the SUNN shinin out of his BotTom)

Heer is some more ‘WORK’. Cann you thinK of woRds and Phfrases to describe gobblins? (Yes We cann: BRILLIUNT BRAVE FANTNASTIC aNd STRANGELELY ATTRACTIVE are amung the ones which spriNgg to mind…)

Here is some moar pictures an a load of leaves an bitts of oLd bumwipe with worms wriTten all over them dont ask uss what itt is all about…

An finaLly heer is a piCture which may be too DISTRUBING for reeders of a deLickate dispisishun for itt shoWs the sofFtling hatchlinggs at ‘work’ and as you cann see they are HIDEEUS (MisS Chetwynd-KnaGg has nott sent a pikture of herrself we expec she is even WORSE). Butt it is nice to sEe how haRd they is ‘working’ and to thiNk they is lerning how to be as TOUGH an COoL as GOBbLINS! (Hopefuly in the neXt lessen Miss C-K wilL get out the CLUBbS an BatTleaXes and they can all start walLopin each other.)

So THReE CHAIRS CHEEERS FOR GREENGATE JUNIOR SCHKOOL IN BARROW IN CUMBRIA aN ALL ITs HORRID HATCHLINGS! THe GOBbLINS of CLOVENSTONE SALoOT YOU!

PS: A Note On Punchtuation.  PrinceSs Ned read this and said we shOuld try puttin in some commas an apophstrophopes so heer they are ”””””””,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Radio Devon Interview & Dartmoor photos

Here’s a link to the live interview I did this morning with Judi Spiers for her popular show BBC Radio Devon. We talked for about twenty minutes, about Goblins, The Exeter Riddles, Oliver and the Seawigs, Animated Exeter and last weekend’s Chagword festival – which was a huge success, by the way. Many thanks to all the people who turned up to my event! And many thanks too to Sarah McIntyre for posting this morning’s interview on YouTube.

Staying with matters Devonian, my wife, Sarah Reeve, is planning to post a photo each day all this year. They’re mostly pictures of the Dartmoor landscape near our house, and they’re lovely. You can follow her on Instagram (where she goes by the name of moorland) or on Twitter for updates.

COpING WItH DWARVeS

TheRe now flollows is a PUBELIC INFNORMATION ANNOUNCEMINT by the GOBBLINGNS OF CLOVENSTONE.
3 TELL-TALE SIGNS THAT YOU IS BEIN INVADED BY DWARVES

1. MYSTERIUS CHIMBLEYS
Here (abuv) is a place that some dwarves invaded earlier. As you can see, dwarf mines needs air for the dwarfs to breathe so they builds big tAll VENTITILLATION CHIMBLEYS. If you look out in yore gaRden one day anD see a crop of tall stOne chimBleys, YOU HAS BIN INVADED BY DWARVES and they has probibly tunnilled unDer yore hoUse alreddy and is buzy diggin minEs in yore CellaR you is SO DOOOMED.
2. MOLEHILLS.



If yore molehills is about as high as yOur knees, they is made by plane ordnirary MOLES and you has got noThingk to wurry about: moles is HARMLISS and FARELY TASTY (don’t miNd iff I do nom nom yum burp etc).  

Butt if yore molehills toWers above you to about the hiTe of a thrEe-story bilDing then they haS bin made by the dreAded gignantick DIREMOLES what the Dwarves have hArnissed to dig their mines and tunnils for them: YOU HAS BIN INVADED BY DWARVES quick Run Awaey!



3. LODES OF BLIMMIN DWARVES ALL OVER THE PLACE.

(This oNe is pritty mUch self eXplaNatory, reely.)

WHATT TO DO.

1. Do nott PICNIC.  

2. Do nott PANIC.  (To be oNnest this miGht be what nummber 1 was surPosed to say, we goTt a bit confused.)

3. Go to yoRe neereSt BUMWIPE SELLER and purChase a koPy of GOBLINNS VS DWARVES, the new WONDER BURK. 

It tels the GRIPING TALE of the DWARVISH INVASUN OF CLOVENSTONE an contanes lodes of INFNORMATION about DWAVRES AN THERE WAYS an many usefull tricks an scheMes fer fightinG them.

Iff thoze doN’t wOrk, at leest itt will wHile awAy the Time whil you Wate for the tiTchy gRumbleRs to undErminE yore fOundatIons an bRing yoRe houSe tumblin down in ROOINS on tOpp of yoo.

Good luck, sofFtlings, an remeMememBeR: WaTCH thE GROUND! EVReYWhERE! KeEP LOOKIN! KEEP WATChING THE GrOUND!

PS: We nicked the dwArves pichcter off of thatt HObtiT Movie they is just sum soFtlings dressed up (Reel dwarves HATE haviN there photos takeN.)

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