The Trainee Goblins of Greengate

Helo adoRing fAns thatts right itt is USS, the GObBlins of ClOVENSToNe, taking over thiss BOLG again to add a bitt of WITT and sophtiStikatoin stophistsicashun soffisti STUFF.  

Ther has been toO much talk about rubBish sofFtling DOCTER WHOO on heer recenTly and NOT ENUGH GObBLINS.

So three chairs cheEers foR MIss ElenOR Chetwynd-KnAgg at GreengaTe Junior scHkOOl in BarRow in CumbRia.  We is nott sure whAt a Junior Sckool is butt it looKs from the phfotos she has seNt as iff itt is a sort of JAOL or PRISSON where the sofFtlings keep their hatChlings locked up uNtil they iss old enugh to stopp bein so annoying. (Here at Clovenstone when hatchlings is annoying we just catapult them off the topp of the tower but thatt soLution does nott seem to hav ocCured to Miss ChetWynd-KnaGg perHaps shee is nott very bright. Or mayBe they does nott have any tall enugh towers in Barrow in Cumbria.)

Anyway, Miss Chetwynd-Knagg has deCided that the hAtchlings she is looKing after neEd proper ROLE MODDELS so she has frorced them to reed GOBbLINS, the well-known betstsellin brilliunt burk about  US. And she has made themm do stuFf called ‘WORK’ aboutt it.  

Heer is a bitt of their ‘WORK’ itt is a verry gOod likEness of King KnObBler cor istnt he handsOme? (The gloWy bitts are cos of the SUNN shinin out of his BotTom)

Heer is some more ‘WORK’. Cann you thinK of woRds and Phfrases to describe gobblins? (Yes We cann: BRILLIUNT BRAVE FANTNASTIC aNd STRANGELELY ATTRACTIVE are amung the ones which spriNgg to mind…)

Here is some moar pictures an a load of leaves an bitts of oLd bumwipe with worms wriTten all over them dont ask uss what itt is all about…

An finaLly heer is a piCture which may be too DISTRUBING for reeders of a deLickate dispisishun for itt shoWs the sofFtling hatchlinggs at ‘work’ and as you cann see they are HIDEEUS (MisS Chetwynd-KnaGg has nott sent a pikture of herrself we expec she is even WORSE). Butt it is nice to sEe how haRd they is ‘working’ and to thiNk they is lerning how to be as TOUGH an COoL as GOBbLINS! (Hopefuly in the neXt lessen Miss C-K wilL get out the CLUBbS an BatTleaXes and they can all start walLopin each other.)


PS: A Note On Punchtuation.  PrinceSs Ned read this and said we shOuld try puttin in some commas an apophstrophopes so heer they are ”””””””,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

An Announcemint from the GOBBLINS

Greetings, Pathethtick Sofftlings!

Yes, it is yore old frennds the CLOVENSTONE GOBBLINS here, with anothver top-notch GUEST POST. Thiss time we has bin arsked to alurt you to the PERRIL posed by DWARVES.

Menny people fthink thatt DWArVES is NICE. They wotches rubish films like SNO WHITE AN THE SEVEN SAMURAI and THE HObBBIT AN UNEXPECTORATED JOURNEY and they getts the idea thatt Dwarves is all joly an brave an hard wokring an such.

This is NOTT TROO.

Iff you read the ace new burk GOBLINS VS DWARVES (available NOW from all good sofftling bumwipe sellers) you wil learn about the trubble we had when a bunch of the stumpy-legged beard-faces decided to staRt mining up Clovenstone, where we live, an draniNg our precious lava lake from hoo’s mystic depths (that’s litterature) all GOBBLINGS is hatched.

Nott only thatt, but we had even MORE trubble when Skarper and HeNwyn tried to persuade the sofftlings to help us fight oFf the Dwarvish mennis.  An why? Because the sofftlings had all been reading Sno White an The Hobbtit or simliliar  unlilkely tales an so the beleeved thatt Dwarves is brave hard workling etc and that Gobblins is all EVIL and SMEL.

(Acshually we DO smel, so maybe they was right about thatt. But we digress…)

All this trubble what we hadd has made us reelise thatt most Sofftlings does not know their arras from their elbow when it cOmes to Dwarves. (CLUE: an ARRAS is a sort of tapestry, and ELBOW is a boRing softliNg band.)

In our next Blogg post wee will be tellin you THREE WAYS TO TELL IF YOU HAS GOTT AN INFNESTATION OF DWARVES an whatt you cann do aboUt the little bliters. In the meentime:


Ps:  Here is wott one nice sofftling bumwipe reviewer said about it, an all the others will be sayin nice thinggs too IF THEY KNOWS WHATT IS GOOD FOR THEM.

PPS: sOry some of this bloGg is a bit faded: GutgUst did a wee all over it.  

PPpS: PriNceSs Ned says yoo should probibly wash Yore haNds aFter yoU hav read it.