Greetings, Pathethtick Sofftlings!
Yes, it is yore old frennds the CLOVENSTONE GOBBLINS here, with anothver top-notch GUEST POST. Thiss time we has bin arsked to alurt you to the PERRIL posed by DWARVES.
Menny people fthink thatt DWArVES is NICE. They wotches rubish films like SNO WHITE AN THE SEVEN SAMURAI and THE HObBBIT AN UNEXPECTORATED JOURNEY and they getts the idea thatt Dwarves is all joly an brave an hard wokring an such.
This is NOTT TROO.
Iff you read the ace new burk GOBLINS VS DWARVES (available NOW from all good sofftling bumwipe sellers) you wil learn about the trubble we had when a bunch of the stumpy-legged beard-faces decided to staRt mining up Clovenstone, where we live, an draniNg our precious lava lake from hoo’s mystic depths (that’s litterature) all GOBBLINGS is hatched.
Nott only thatt, but we had even MORE trubble when Skarper and HeNwyn tried to persuade the sofftlings to help us fight oFf the Dwarvish mennis. An why? Because the sofftlings had all been reading Sno White an The Hobbtit or simliliar unlilkely tales an so the beleeved thatt Dwarves is brave hard workling etc and that Gobblins is all EVIL and SMEL.
(Acshually we DO smel, so maybe they was right about thatt. But we digress…)
All this trubble what we hadd has made us reelise thatt most Sofftlings does not know their arras from their elbow when it cOmes to Dwarves. (CLUE: an ARRAS is a sort of tapestry, and ELBOW is a boRing softliNg band.)
In our next Blogg post wee will be tellin you THREE WAYS TO TELL IF YOU HAS GOTT AN INFNESTATION OF DWARVES an whatt you cann do aboUt the little bliters. In the meentime:
Ps: Here is wott one nice sofftling bumwipe reviewer said about it, an all the others will be sayin nice thinggs too IF THEY KNOWS WHATT IS GOOD FOR THEM.
PPS: sOry some of this bloGg is a bit faded: GutgUst did a wee all over it.
PPpS: PriNceSs Ned says yoo should probibly wash Yore haNds aFter yoU hav read it.